I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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