Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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