I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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