I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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