She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
