girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
