Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
