Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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