I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
