i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
