You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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