My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize