pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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