Im at strip club and am horny
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
