Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
