My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
