he thought i was a dude.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
