Yo dont text me then not text me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just had sex on a roof
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
