dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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