Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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