im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
