he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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