When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
