my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize