I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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