So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
