I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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