hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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