we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
