Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
