how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
