i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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