Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
