She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
