Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
