Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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