Do you still have your period?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
