Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
