I looked at my own cervix.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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