I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
