he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
