I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
