I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize