You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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