I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
