Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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