the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
