I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
