Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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