I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
