Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
