Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
