Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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