i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
