doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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