Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
