I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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