I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
