This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
