I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
