I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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