Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
wow bdsm is so cute
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
