I would go down on you faster than GM stock
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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