Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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