the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
