I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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