please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize