You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
