well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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