dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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