Cold hands, warm shart.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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