I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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