hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
