so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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