Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
