i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
